Category Archives: Relationships

Happy New Year 2014!

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A new dawn, a new day...and I'm feeling good!

A new dawn, a new day…and I’m feeling good!

Hehehehehe, we made it!

Finally, 2014 is here. After all the preparing and primping et al., 2014 is here. ūüėÄ And December is over with all the partying ūüė•

I already know what my New Year resolutions are. I’ve got three:

1. To be debt free (lol, this was my end-of-year 2013 resolution. I guess it got carried over);

2. To be happy. By fire by force. The only person standing in the way of my happiness is me. I can choose to be happy with my life, change what makes me unhappy about my life, or wallow in self-pity. I already know what my choice will be.

3. To be a blessing to those I love, by being a better person, and by having a more positive impact in their lives. Too many horrible lowlifes out there, I need to celebrate the people who make life sweeter for me.

Got any New Year resolutions? Share them, I’d love to know… and Happy New Year 2014!!

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Something more than bullying…

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As if bullying is not enough to worry about...

As if bullying is not enough to worry about…

*dusts cobwebs* I don’t even say I have a blog anymore, it’s embarrassing that I haven’t posted anything in a while…I’ve got to get out of this rut I’m stuck in.

So blogfam, howz it hanging? Sitting good? Weekend went well? My weekend was fabulous, spent it out of town with friends – plus the AH-MAY-ZING football match between Cameroon and Tunisia (Go Indomitable Lions!) where we whooped Tunisia 4-1 in the qualifier to the 2014 Brazil World Cup just made it even better. Team #237 for life! Did you watch the match? what were you up to? Let me know!

Ok, on to the topic of this post. We all know that bullying is a horrible practice, and when practiced by children in schools it can have lifelong devastating consequences on the victim, and dare I say even on the perpetrator.

However, bullying is increasingly taking a back seat to actual physical violence in schools – case in point? The stabbing of a Lowersixth (aka sixth form/freshman) student by a fifth form student in a popular boarding school in Buea Cameroon, St. Joseph’s College Sasse, yesterday November 18th, following a dispute OVER A PAIR OF SHORTS!! The stabbed student has since been declared dead, and his attacker is under police custody. ‘Sasse’ as it is popularly known is a Roman Catholic institution, and has fostered some of the greatest minds in Cameroon, including a former Prime Minister of Cameroon and countless other persons of repute. Their alumni association, the SOBANS, is amongst one of the most charismatic and popular ones nationwide. So in the midst of all this, what went wrong?

This story has made me sick to my stomach – unfortunately, stories like these are increasingly recurrent. All over the world, students are stabbing other students are stabbing, shooting, beating and maiming their classmates for any and no reason whatsoever. Happens in BHS Buea,Cameroon (yup, happened while I was there), Washington, West Virginia, and elsewhere . This begs the question, what is being done about this increase of violence on teenagers, by teenagers, in schools?

Is it enough for the schools to install metal detectors, perform searches of bags and lockers and report/punish/expel children found guilty of physical violence? Or does the blame lie elsewhere?

I think it does. The parents.

I may not have any children, but I’m around children and young, busy professionals often enough to know that a lot of children are growing up in the hands of nannies, preschool teachers, nursery attendants, grandparents, and a host of other people ill-suited to raising a child with the kind of discipline often required in today’s world. Charity begins at home. How many parents correct their children with corporal discipline nowadays?Your child throws a stone at a classmate in prenursery and gives them a cut on their forehead, and you scream bloody murder when they get suspended etc from school, saying ‘they are children’!! What happened to teaching a child the way they should go, so that when they grow older they don’t depart from it? My mother whopped me well and proper when I was younger (try being the headstrong daughter of a public-school discipline mistress! I was well acquainted with electric cables and branches from guava trees, springy buggers) and I think I turned out pretty great! Forget corporal punishment – if a parent cannot pay enough attention to their sole child or brood of three, how do you expect a teacher supervising a class of 20 (or in the case of my country, anywhere between 40-100) to catch and report signs of such anti-social behavior early enough to stop it manifesting?

I think it is not enough to punish a physically abusive child, especially if this child has already displayed signs of anti-social behavior eg getting into fights, cruelty to animals, etc. The problem needs to be addressed from the root, which is the home they grew up in. Parents also need to be held accountable for the actions of their (especially minor) children. I wish people had only those children they had the time to train, and didn’t just pop them out so they could have a mini-me, or fulfill scripture and populate the earth, or whatever other silly reasons people give for having children.

What do you think? Who’s to blame for the rise in physical violence between children and how can it be stopped?

May the soul of the murdered teenager, Chu Brian Ebelson, rest in peace.

Do unto others…

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Tolerance

 

I bet I’m going to get a lot of indignant feedback by the time everybody is done reading this, but then…God gave me a brain so that I could use it, don’t you think?

Forgive me for the lack of preliminary niceties, but my mind is otherwise preoccupied with a burning question: What is the difference between a Muslim jihadist, and a Christian who throws gay people in jail?

The way I see it is this:

– A Muslim jihadist is someone who has crossed the line from religion, to fanaticism. He becomes convinced that Allah has given him the mission to institute Sharia law on earth, and to kill those who do not want to conform.

– A Christian gay-basher is someone who has crossed the line from religion, to zealotry. He is convinced that God has given him the mission to protect the earth from gay people, and any person who goes against his divine job is to be jailed and yes, maybe killed .

Sounds to me like both types of people are on a divine mission to impose their religious beliefs on others, because they feel it is their God-given right to do so! No thought as to whether the persons affected are in accordance or not, no consideration for the scores of people they might harm, no TOLERANCE for the differences between the people on this earth…my way, or the Highway (to the grave!)

So, where’s the difference?

Everybody has some sort of bias, or prejudice, or standard by which they live their life. What is important is that we learn to respect each other’s differences, each other’s beliefs, each other’s right to choose how to live their life. I’m not saying my personal opinion is that being gay is the way to go – I’m saying until the gay lifestyle poses a real (not imagined) danger to me, I think I should mind my own business.

After all, if a Muslim fanatic can’t tell you how to live your life, why do you think you can tell a gay person how to live theirs?

 

100 Truths about Tiki

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Hiya blogfam! So, I came accross a post by a blogger I follow everywhere (virtually of course,*wink*) @0Toxic, and I loved the idea of his “100 Truths about Toxic“. Of course you know I had to do mine! Seems a fun way for you to get to know me…and honestly for me to get to know myself, right?

Let’s find out who I am then. Catch you on the flip side.

100 Truths

1. Last drink: White wine

2. Last phone call:   My cousin Helen (otherwise known as MaRock)

3. Last text message: My mum

4.¬†Last song you listened to:¬†Tuface’s “Spiritual Healing”. I love that song

5. Last time you cried:  This morning. His fault.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Thanks, but no, thanks.

7.¬†Been cheated on:¬†Yes. ūüė•

8. Kissed someone: Yes.

9. Lost someone special: Yes. Seems like too many young people die nowadays. RIP Junior, Rade, and everyone else.

10. Been depressed: Not for long. I avoid negative feelings.

11. Been drunk and threw up:  lol gosh yes. Instant malaria.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Black

13. Red

14. Teal

15. Rainbow (I know I know, it’s not a colour! but I just love bright colours…)

HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends:  Not often. Lots of acquaintances though

17. Fallen out of love: Yes

18. Laughed until you cried: Yes. I even peed a little. Oops.

19. Met someone who changed you: Unfortunately, yes.

20. Found out who your true friends were: Yup. The jury is still out on some though.

21. Found out someone was talking about you: What’s not to talk about? *wink*

22.¬†Kissed anyone on your friends list:¬†Yes, but I promise it was during a ‘Truth or Dare’ game.

23. How many people on your friend’s list do you know in real life: About 75%, I guess

25. Do you have any pets: Nope

26. Do you want to change your name: No. Sometimes I wish I had a Hebrew name, but I like the way my purely ethnic names sound different and set me apart.

27. What did you do for your last birthday: Ate cake and drank wine at home with friends. I intend to throw a party this year though.

28. What time did you wake up today:  8:30am. Horribly late for work.

29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Hahahaha. Is this a trick question? Ok. *looks around* I was watching TV.

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Childish people to grow up, and Jesus to come already.

31. Last time you saw your father:  Almost three weeks ago

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Meeting the person referred to in Question 19.

33. What are you listening to right now: The sounds of my colleagues roaming around the office enjoying their lunch break.

34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes.

35. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Or who. My boss.

36. Most visited webpage: *hides face* Facebook.

37. Current city: Douala, Cameroon

38. Nicknames: Madame. Yukie. AY. Ndiep. Obianuju.

39. Relationship Status: Single.

40. Zodiac Sign: I am Leo, hear me roar!

41. Male or female or transgendered:  Female.

42. Primary School:  PNEU Limbe

43. Middle School: Saker Baptist College, Limbe

44. High school: Baptist High School, Buea.

45. Hair color:  Black

46.¬†Long/medium/short:¬†It’s hard to tell with natural hair. I’m guessing medium

47. Height: 1m70

48. Do you have a crush on someone: Not right now. Do celebrities count?

49: What do you like about yourself: My resilience.

50. Piercings: Five. Two in each earlobe, one in my right nostril

51. Tattoos: None… yet

52. Righty or Lefty: Righty

FIRSTS:

53. First Surgery: On my toe. Ask my sister @MischiefCakes

54. First Piercing: As a baby.

55. First Best Friend: And BFF. Nellie Febe Etombi Fokumlah.

56. First Sport you Joined: Lawn tennis. Loved it, was pretty good at it.

57.¬†First Pet:¬†A bird I called…well, bird. It lived under my bed in a cardboard box. Needless to say, its life was short.

58.¬†First Vacation:¬†As a grown-up, which I paid for myself? Last year to the UK. This year I’m hitting Europe. Most of it.

59. First Concert: Church concert. We were big on that in my secondary school.

60.¬†First Crush:¬†David Hasselhof in ‘Michael Knight’. My aunt calls me Mrs Knight to this day -__-

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating: Just had Senegalese rice for lunch.

62. Drinking: Water.

63. Already missing: My Chocolate Daddy.

64. I’m about to: Get to work.

65. Listening to: The noisy air-conditioning.

66. Thinking about: Who owes me money.

67. Waiting for: People who owe me to pay up

YOUR FUTURE:

68. Want kids: Errm. Most days, yes

69. Want to get married: Yeah, I guess.

70. Careers in mind: International petroleum taxation expert 

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

71. Lips or eyes: eyes

72. Hugs or kisses: hugs

73. Shorter or taller: Taller. Short people freak me out

74. Older or Younger: Older, always.

75. Romantic or spontaneous: Can I have a nice mix of both?

76.¬†Nice stomach or nice arms:¬†Arms. I like to have a li’l something to poke.

77. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive.

78. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

79. Trouble maker or hesitant:  Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

81. Drank hard liquor: Yup. Vodka is my poison of choice.

82. Lost glasses/contacts: Had them stolen, not lost

83. Kissed on 1st date: Yeah. We ended up going steady for a while.

84:¬†Broken someone‚Äôs heart:¬†I would like to say no, but I’m thinking the answer is yes.

85. Had your own heart broken: Still trying to find the pieces

86. Been arrested: Thank goodness NO!

87. Turned someone down: Yes

88. Cried when someone died: Yeah

89. Liked a friend that is of the same sex: No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: Always. It begins with me.

91. Miracles: Yes

92. Love at first sight: You might not know it yet, but it sure can happen. Yes.

93. Heaven: Yes

94. Santa Claus: Mtschewwww

95. Kissing on the first date: Nothing wrong with that but I wouldn’t necessarily encourage it.

96. Angels: Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Yes.

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: Hehehehehe. On different levels.

99. Wish you could change things in your past?: Yeah.

100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths?:  Yes. No reason to lie.;)

Whew, that was long! Who next?

Be My Valentine

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Everybody seems to be talking about the same old same old, this Valentine. It’s either ‘me and my significant other’ or ‘I’m loving myself this year’.

When will Valentine’s Day ever be about fighting for love?

It’s all good and fine to spout all that hogwash about waiting for the right guy and all, but some of y’all ladies out there KNOW that you already had him, and lost him. Nine-tenths of the time it was his fault (let’s be honest, men can be pretty clueless), but Miss Thang, you can’t deny that sometimes you were too demanding, a bit selfish, always busy, always jealous, always accusing…so he dumped you, and now you are alone.

This Valentine, let go of the self-love smokescreen (doesn’t it get old, btw?) and tell yourself the truth – you want him back. Instead of sitting around wallowing in a warm bath and a few tears, accept where you went wrong. Admit you want him back, then fight for his love.

‘Tis the season, let’s celebrate love, revel in love, fight for love. After all, how many spa deals can a girl buy in her life?

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Let’s talk about sex…

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It’s a right pain in the butt when your 60+year-old retired mother becomes a techno-guru, trawling the internet for fun…and stumbling upon all manner of things you would rather she didn’t see. eg. this post.

Well *Eminem voice* I said I’m sorry mama…

Unfortunately (is it though?) for me, I’m from a South-Western tribe in my country called the ‘Bayangi’. It’s the Nigerian equivalent of a Calabar girl. Or the equivalent of a ‘Latina’. For those of you who don’t get the significance, girls from my tribe are rumoured to be *cough cough*¬†highly demanding and¬†well-skilled in matters of the flesh. *hides face*

Cue in today’s topic – so I’m sitting at work,¬†daydreaming¬†thinking¬†about relationships, how they morph from friendships into something more binding, what makes them fizzle out and what makes them remain strong against crazy odds, when a couple of things popped into my head.

(1) Recently I got into a dalliance with a very, sweet, charming and more or less successful guy – who lives in another country. Despite the fact that we enjoyed each other’s company and were both quite unattached, I found it difficult to commit. Then a friend said something which made me stop and think. She said *”Dis one wey you be bayangi, man no di even know sef. Sometime you di still draw skin because you and ei nova do“.

Basically “Given your tribe’s reputation, I bet your reluctance stems from the fact that y’all haven’t *cough cough* done the do.”

*side note – I’m coughing a lot in this post. My throat/keypad isn’t used to such topics*

At the time, I laughed about it and brushed it off, but today for whatever reason, it popped in my head, and I’m inclined to think about it a bit more and bounce it off you.

(2)Still recently, a friend told me about her boyfriend of over 2 years, who all of a sudden is no longer interested in bedmatics. His reason? He wants them to get married. Hold your applause. Tentative marriage date? In ‘About’ two years! Of course, I told her that he was getting it elsewhere – that reason just did not hold water, especially when combined wih his general cold behaviour.

As humans, we always have our little idiosyncrasies, particularly when it comes to love. Sometimes we won’t commit until we say ‘I love you’. Or until the other person says ‘I love you’, or until they presents us to their family/friends/work colleagues as their ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’.

Or until we knock boots with them.

Is sex in a relationship really that big a deal? Does sleeping with someone mark some sort of line that cannot be crossed? Does it take the relationship to another level? And does not sleeping with them (in case you started, and the decision to stop wasn’t mutual) signify a downgrading of the relationship, say from ‘serious’ to ‘open’?

Guy or girl, if you slept with someone you liked and were seeing casually, would you consider it some sort of commitment? And when things go sour, can sex hold it together until other issues are resolved?

Use the comment box below and express yourself! *don’t be shy now, you can do so anonymously!*

Find That Silver Lining!

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Hey people, this is going to be a quick one because I have a meeting in 15 minutes with a very antsy client, but I just had to say this.

You see, I’m happy.

Okay, now some of you may be hissing rolling your eyes and wondering: “So..what? What is so wonderful/earth-shattering/life-changing about that?”

Let me make it easier – I just had a car accident 2 hours ago, BUT I’m happy.

See why I think I need to share now?

I’m not going to bore you with the details, but not only was I thoroughly scared shitless, I have also lost 2 hours of my morning, argued until my mouth hurt, busted my left headlight, took apart somebody’s fender, paid over 50 000 FCFA for damage caused (that’s about GBP 70, USD 110, not the kind of money you can toss out in the blink of an eye) and to top it off my heel is wobbly.

But when I look at the situation, I think :

1. Two months ago, I was in a hospital bed;

2. Someone could have been injured or died;

3. It’s only money, plus it’s meant to be spent;

4. Ei bad as ei bad, I go waka emptyfoot (If push comes to shove, I’ll go barefoot);

See? I’m counting my blessings, people.

We all have a period in our lives where it has felt like everything is going wrong, where we just wanted to give up on our hopes and dreams and aspirations, abandon whatever struggle we have going on, and let what will happen, happen. However, sometimes all we need to do is look for the silver lining in the cloud, because I assure you IT EXISTS!

What’s making you unhappy? Is it your marriage (or lack thereof)? you job? finances? family pressures? even physical hang-ups? No situation is completely hopeless. Take a step back, calm down and assess the circumstances objectively. Identify what went wrong and if you need to, accept the part you played. Then, GET OVER IT! Stop wallowing in guilt/self-pity or simply reminiscing about what would have, could have, should have been. Map out a way-forward, whether it is taking a different route, or considering the incident to be a learning experience and moving on.

Happiness does not walk around looking for a home. It’s within us, always. All you have to do is prioritize. Realize that things are hardly ever as bad as they seem. Count each and every one of your blessings one by one. And of course, look for the silver lining in every situation!

Happy August, people!

NB: By the way, it’s my birthday in 5 days. Yippeeee! *dancing azonto in hiding* ūüėÄ