Tag Archives: relationships

Do unto others…

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Tolerance

 

I bet I’m going to get a lot of indignant feedback by the time everybody is done reading this, but then…God gave me a brain so that I could use it, don’t you think?

Forgive me for the lack of preliminary niceties, but my mind is otherwise preoccupied with a burning question: What is the difference between a Muslim jihadist, and a Christian who throws gay people in jail?

The way I see it is this:

– A Muslim jihadist is someone who has crossed the line from religion, to fanaticism. He becomes convinced that Allah has given him the mission to institute Sharia law on earth, and to kill those who do not want to conform.

– A Christian gay-basher is someone who has crossed the line from religion, to zealotry. He is convinced that God has given him the mission to protect the earth from gay people, and any person who goes against his divine job is to be jailed and yes, maybe killed .

Sounds to me like both types of people are on a divine mission to impose their religious beliefs on others, because they feel it is their God-given right to do so! No thought as to whether the persons affected are in accordance or not, no consideration for the scores of people they might harm, no TOLERANCE for the differences between the people on this earth…my way, or the Highway (to the grave!)

So, where’s the difference?

Everybody has some sort of bias, or prejudice, or standard by which they live their life. What is important is that we learn to respect each other’s differences, each other’s beliefs, each other’s right to choose how to live their life. I’m not saying my personal opinion is that being gay is the way to go – I’m saying until the gay lifestyle poses a real (not imagined) danger to me, I think I should mind my own business.

After all, if a Muslim fanatic can’t tell you how to live your life, why do you think you can tell a gay person how to live theirs?

 

Be My Valentine

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Everybody seems to be talking about the same old same old, this Valentine. It’s either ‘me and my significant other’ or ‘I’m loving myself this year’.

When will Valentine’s Day ever be about fighting for love?

It’s all good and fine to spout all that hogwash about waiting for the right guy and all, but some of y’all ladies out there KNOW that you already had him, and lost him. Nine-tenths of the time it was his fault (let’s be honest, men can be pretty clueless), but Miss Thang, you can’t deny that sometimes you were too demanding, a bit selfish, always busy, always jealous, always accusing…so he dumped you, and now you are alone.

This Valentine, let go of the self-love smokescreen (doesn’t it get old, btw?) and tell yourself the truth – you want him back. Instead of sitting around wallowing in a warm bath and a few tears, accept where you went wrong. Admit you want him back, then fight for his love.

‘Tis the season, let’s celebrate love, revel in love, fight for love. After all, how many spa deals can a girl buy in her life?

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Let’s talk about sex…

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It’s a right pain in the butt when your 60+year-old retired mother becomes a techno-guru, trawling the internet for fun…and stumbling upon all manner of things you would rather she didn’t see. eg. this post.

Well *Eminem voice* I said I’m sorry mama…

Unfortunately (is it though?) for me, I’m from a South-Western tribe in my country called the ‘Bayangi’. It’s the Nigerian equivalent of a Calabar girl. Or the equivalent of a ‘Latina’. For those of you who don’t get the significance, girls from my tribe are rumoured to be *cough cough* highly demanding and well-skilled in matters of the flesh. *hides face*

Cue in today’s topic – so I’m sitting at work, daydreaming thinking about relationships, how they morph from friendships into something more binding, what makes them fizzle out and what makes them remain strong against crazy odds, when a couple of things popped into my head.

(1) Recently I got into a dalliance with a very, sweet, charming and more or less successful guy – who lives in another country. Despite the fact that we enjoyed each other’s company and were both quite unattached, I found it difficult to commit. Then a friend said something which made me stop and think. She said *”Dis one wey you be bayangi, man no di even know sef. Sometime you di still draw skin because you and ei nova do“.

Basically “Given your tribe’s reputation, I bet your reluctance stems from the fact that y’all haven’t *cough cough* done the do.”

*side note – I’m coughing a lot in this post. My throat/keypad isn’t used to such topics*

At the time, I laughed about it and brushed it off, but today for whatever reason, it popped in my head, and I’m inclined to think about it a bit more and bounce it off you.

(2)Still recently, a friend told me about her boyfriend of over 2 years, who all of a sudden is no longer interested in bedmatics. His reason? He wants them to get married. Hold your applause. Tentative marriage date? In ‘About’ two years! Of course, I told her that he was getting it elsewhere – that reason just did not hold water, especially when combined wih his general cold behaviour.

As humans, we always have our little idiosyncrasies, particularly when it comes to love. Sometimes we won’t commit until we say ‘I love you’. Or until the other person says ‘I love you’, or until they presents us to their family/friends/work colleagues as their ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’.

Or until we knock boots with them.

Is sex in a relationship really that big a deal? Does sleeping with someone mark some sort of line that cannot be crossed? Does it take the relationship to another level? And does not sleeping with them (in case you started, and the decision to stop wasn’t mutual) signify a downgrading of the relationship, say from ‘serious’ to ‘open’?

Guy or girl, if you slept with someone you liked and were seeing casually, would you consider it some sort of commitment? And when things go sour, can sex hold it together until other issues are resolved?

Use the comment box below and express yourself! *don’t be shy now, you can do so anonymously!*

Find That Silver Lining!

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Hey people, this is going to be a quick one because I have a meeting in 15 minutes with a very antsy client, but I just had to say this.

You see, I’m happy.

Okay, now some of you may be hissing rolling your eyes and wondering: “So..what? What is so wonderful/earth-shattering/life-changing about that?”

Let me make it easier – I just had a car accident 2 hours ago, BUT I’m happy.

See why I think I need to share now?

I’m not going to bore you with the details, but not only was I thoroughly scared shitless, I have also lost 2 hours of my morning, argued until my mouth hurt, busted my left headlight, took apart somebody’s fender, paid over 50 000 FCFA for damage caused (that’s about GBP 70, USD 110, not the kind of money you can toss out in the blink of an eye) and to top it off my heel is wobbly.

But when I look at the situation, I think :

1. Two months ago, I was in a hospital bed;

2. Someone could have been injured or died;

3. It’s only money, plus it’s meant to be spent;

4. Ei bad as ei bad, I go waka emptyfoot (If push comes to shove, I’ll go barefoot);

See? I’m counting my blessings, people.

We all have a period in our lives where it has felt like everything is going wrong, where we just wanted to give up on our hopes and dreams and aspirations, abandon whatever struggle we have going on, and let what will happen, happen. However, sometimes all we need to do is look for the silver lining in the cloud, because I assure you IT EXISTS!

What’s making you unhappy? Is it your marriage (or lack thereof)? you job? finances? family pressures? even physical hang-ups? No situation is completely hopeless. Take a step back, calm down and assess the circumstances objectively. Identify what went wrong and if you need to, accept the part you played. Then, GET OVER IT! Stop wallowing in guilt/self-pity or simply reminiscing about what would have, could have, should have been. Map out a way-forward, whether it is taking a different route, or considering the incident to be a learning experience and moving on.

Happiness does not walk around looking for a home. It’s within us, always. All you have to do is prioritize. Realize that things are hardly ever as bad as they seem. Count each and every one of your blessings one by one. And of course, look for the silver lining in every situation!

Happy August, people!

NB: By the way, it’s my birthday in 5 days. Yippeeee! *dancing azonto in hiding* 😀

Out of Sight = Out of Mind?

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Hello my good people!

Abeg wona no halla me ya, I know I’ve been missing in the blogosphere, but I promise it’s not my fault. Between my boss and my mother, my time is no longer my own.

This post is going to be short, but I would really like to know what you think so leave a comment, will you? The ‘dikalo’ for today is, Long-Distance Relationships, LDRs for short.

Let’s begin with definitions. In my mind, any relationship which involves a journey above 4hrs for the parties to be able to see each other, is a long distance relationship. Of course, there are categories. Douala – Yaounde is an LDR, but USA – Cameroon is a senior LDR…that one involves not only time, but intricate planning and enough money to pay house rents for a year.

Recently, a couple of dear friends whose relationships I was rooting for succumbed to the pressure most LDRs are put under, and broke up. As a veteran of LDRs (if you like laff, yes, I gree!) I was a bit bothered, because they had seemed to be doing everything right, but it just didn’t work out.

As always, I put my thinking cap on. What makes a long-distance relationship work? what are some of the do’s and don’ts? Let me get you started:

– Do keep in touch – if you can’t call or text, a facebook message, tweet, ping etc is still welcome;

– Do share even the minutest details of your day with your partner. The bond between you is built on the mundane, and not the spectacular;

– Don’t go to bed angry with each other – unlike other couples, you can’t kiss and make-up;

– Don’t become jealous over every outing/friend your partner mentions, as this will alienate them very quickly.

What other dos and don’ts do you have? Are LDRs worth the headache? Would you get into an LDR? Let’s share!

Possess Your Possession!

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Forgive me for the title, I couldn’t resist it! The phrase above is more common to religious gatherings, crusades and what have you, but this post has got nothing to do with that.

It has to do with boys.

Or maybe I should say men? Oh well, you get my drift (I hope).

Let me take you back to the beginning. It all began one fine evening (I won’t say when, this is a true story and the parties concerned might catch me!) when I was going through my contacts, and I came across a picture of my friend, standing with this fyyynnee guy! I mean, I’m not one to be blown over by a guy’s cuteness (I’d rather have brains, but that’s a story for another day), but there was something about him that pulled me. So I texted the friend, paid the necessary compliments *covers face* and within minutes, I had enough info on the guy and his contact details (supplied by him o, he was right next to her)! Suffice to say, I have taken it from there, lol.

But it got me thinking about the unspoken rules of relationships, basically, the one which says the boy should make the first move. WHO SAID THAT? I mean, this is not about being a feminist or all that – it’s about something as simple as not letting something good pass you by because you are following a set of ‘rules’.

I mean, girls, how many times have you seen a nice guy whom you could really get along with, pass you by simply because you wouldn’t make a move? I know so many girls pining away with unrequited love like Mariana on the moated grange, because they fear the guy will think they are too forward (I’m NOT gonna say the ‘ch…’ word), or otherwise not demure enough. Well girls, the time has come to possess your possession. Here’s a few tips on how you can do that:

1. Get a mutual friend to introduce you

Unless you are good at striking up a chat with a total stranger, this is a key point to starting a conversation. It remains very difficult to cook up a discussion with someone you just met a few minutes ago, so it’s always best to get a mutual friend to introduce you. Also, this is great for references. Which brings us to my next point.

2. Research (I didn’t say stalk o, research!)

Ask around, and find out what kind of guy he is. You don’t want to walk up to him, only for his girlfriend to come sashaying over wearing a killer dress and heels and looking at you like you are something the cat dragged in (plus if she is from a certain Central Cameroonian tribe, it could get ugly very quickly, lol.). Also, no point trying to know him if it turns out he’s got the kind of character you don’t like. True, you are not marrying him or anything, but just knowing some people is bad enough. A few pointed questions will do the trick. Be careful who you ask though!

ps. a little Google/Facebook/Twitter search never hurt. I looove social media!

3. Don’t come on too strong

By come on too strong, I mean trying too hard. To do everything. Laugh at his (lame) jokes. Smile too wide. Flash cleavage. Fight to sit in the unoccupied front seat of his car (yes, I have seen it happen before!). Nice and easy there, tiger. Rein it in a bit. Be you. Except ‘you’ does the things listed above. In that case, don’t be you.

4. Don’t talk too much/laugh too loud/criticise everything you see.

I met a guy once, who just blew me away with the power of his tongue muscles. I mean, it got to a point where I timed him – he spoke for 7 minutes non-stop, barely pausing to breathe. Sounds short to you? It takes the average person 3 minutes to read a page. Go figure.

My point is, behave yourself. Don’t do a Paris Hilton and be all about the first person singular. Ask some questions (no be police interview o), show some interest in what he has to say. Also  do not criticise except it becomes unbearable. I’ve heard so many guys complain about how a certain girl will always be criticising – it tends to make people think you are stuck-up ( and catty aka b****y).

And yeah, keep the laughter down. In fact, if you laugh like a horse, just smile sef.

5. Don’t be afraid to pay him a compliment

You spend hours in the salon getting your hair done, and then more hours waxing, painting, spandexing, and doing all those other (evil) things girls do to look presentable, then your date just goes “Good evening. Let’s go.” and climbs into the car.

Pause. In fact stop.

Even ‘How you fine today so?’ no dey? I no dey go again na.

Guys love receiving compliments too. Tell him he smells good, you like his shoes, trousers,etc. I didn’t say lie o! Ei bad as ei bad, at least you will like his smile. Else wetin carry you go there?

Anyway, those are my five little helpers to boost your chatting skills. What do you think? Are there any I’ve missed out? Would you walk up to a guy and start a conversation? Let me know what you think via the comment box below.. Don’t forget to take the poll, and ‘Like’ this page.