Gossip, gossip…is it always an evil thing?

This is probably going to be half-baked of sorts, but I’m typing on my phone and I hate small screens!

Before I start, I should apologise for being away for so long. Life does that to you sometimes – I’ve been on such an emotional rollercoaster recently, it’s become difficult to put my emotions in words.

So I’m sitting here getting my hair done at home (#LikeABoss#) and watching the show ‘Moments With Month’ with Mo Abudu. The issue? Loyalty amongst friends, in the face of gossip. I’m going to take gossip here to be saying something unflattering about someone else, in their absence.

It got me thinking – do I want my friends to inform me about gossip which is circulating about me? There are probably diverse schools of thought on this – some people don’t want to know anything, some people want to know everything, and some people want you the friend to pick and choose what to tell them.

Me? I wanna know everything that is being said. I have a robust fear of the unknown. Plus, I feel that we give a lot of modern-day or older bullies power over us, in the name of ‘God will pay’, ‘let me be the bigger person’, and all that. However, statistics have shown that once confronted, a bully is most likely to back down and leave you alone!

So I say, stop cowering in a corner and letting people spread lies about you. Stand up, clear your name and hold your head high! When we die, all we have left is our reputation. Don’t let someone kill yours before you even figure out what you want it to be!

Update: I wrote this about 2 weeks ago then couldn’t find the saved draft on my phone…how annoying! Have a lovely weekend, peeps!

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Do unto others…

 

I bet I’m going to get a lot of indignant feedback by the time everybody is done reading this, but then…God gave me a brain so that I could use it, don’t you think?

Forgive me for the lack of preliminary niceties, but my mind is otherwise preoccupied with a burning question: What is the difference between a Muslim jihadist, and a Christian who throws gay people in jail?

The way I see it is this:

- A Muslim jihadist is someone who has crossed the line from religion, to fanaticism. He becomes convinced that Allah has given him the mission to institute Sharia law on earth, and to kill those who do not want to conform.

- A Christian gay-basher is someone who has crossed the line from religion, to zealotry. He is convinced that God has given him the mission to protect the earth from gay people, and any person who goes against his divine job is to be jailed and yes, maybe killed .

Sounds to me like both types of people are on a divine mission to impose their religious beliefs on others, because they feel it is their God-given right to do so! No thought as to whether the persons affected are in accordance or not, no consideration for the scores of people they might harm, no TOLERANCE for the differences between the people on this earth…my way, or the Highway (to the grave!)

So, where’s the difference?

Everybody has some sort of bias, or prejudice, or standard by which they live their life. What is important is that we learn to respect each other’s differences, each other’s beliefs, each other’s right to choose how to live their life. I’m not saying my personal opinion is that being gay is the way to go – I’m saying until the gay lifestyle poses a real (not imagined) danger to me, I think I should mind my own business.

After all, if a Muslim fanatic can’t tell you how to live your life, why do you think you can tell a gay person how to live theirs?

 

100 Truths about Tiki

Hiya blogfam! So, I came accross a post by a blogger I follow everywhere (virtually of course,*wink*) @0Toxic, and I loved the idea of his “100 Truths about Toxic“. Of course you know I had to do mine! Seems a fun way for you to get to know me…and honestly for me to get to know myself, right?

Let’s find out who I am then. Catch you on the flip side.

100 Truths

1. Last drink: White wine

2. Last phone call:   My cousin Helen (otherwise known as MaRock)

3. Last text message: My mum

4. Last song you listened to: Tuface’s “Spiritual Healing”. I love that song

5. Last time you cried:  This morning. His fault.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Thanks, but no, thanks.

7. Been cheated on: Yes. :’(

8. Kissed someone: Yes.

9. Lost someone special: Yes. Seems like too many young people die nowadays. RIP Junior, Rade, and everyone else.

10. Been depressed: Not for long. I avoid negative feelings.

11. Been drunk and threw up:  lol gosh yes. Instant malaria.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Black

13. Red

14. Teal

15. Rainbow (I know I know, it’s not a colour! but I just love bright colours…)

HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends:  Not often. Lots of acquaintances though

17. Fallen out of love: Yes

18. Laughed until you cried: Yes. I even peed a little. Oops.

19. Met someone who changed you: Unfortunately, yes.

20. Found out who your true friends were: Yup. The jury is still out on some though.

21. Found out someone was talking about you: What’s not to talk about? *wink*

22. Kissed anyone on your friends list: Yes, but I promise it was during a ‘Truth or Dare’ game.

23. How many people on your friend’s list do you know in real life: About 75%, I guess

25. Do you have any pets: Nope

26. Do you want to change your name: No. Sometimes I wish I had a Hebrew name, but I like the way my purely ethnic names sound different and set me apart.

27. What did you do for your last birthday: Ate cake and drank wine at home with friends. I intend to throw a party this year though.

28. What time did you wake up today:  8:30am. Horribly late for work.

29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Hahahaha. Is this a trick question? Ok. *looks around* I was watching TV.

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Childish people to grow up, and Jesus to come already.

31. Last time you saw your father:  Almost three weeks ago

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Meeting the person referred to in Question 19.

33. What are you listening to right now: The sounds of my colleagues roaming around the office enjoying their lunch break.

34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes.

35. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Or who. My boss.

36. Most visited webpage: *hides face* Facebook.

37. Current city: Douala, Cameroon

38. Nicknames: Madame. Yukie. AY. Ndiep. Obianuju.

39. Relationship Status: Single.

40. Zodiac Sign: I am Leo, hear me roar!

41. Male or female or transgendered:  Female.

42. Primary School:  PNEU Limbe

43. Middle School: Saker Baptist College, Limbe

44. High school: Baptist High School, Buea.

45. Hair color:  Black

46. Long/medium/short: It’s hard to tell with natural hair. I’m guessing medium

47. Height: 1m70

48. Do you have a crush on someone: Not right now. Do celebrities count?

49: What do you like about yourself: My resilience.

50. Piercings: Five. Two in each earlobe, one in my right nostril

51. Tattoos: None… yet

52. Righty or Lefty: Righty

FIRSTS:

53. First Surgery: On my toe. Ask my sister @MischiefCakes

54. First Piercing: As a baby.

55. First Best Friend: And BFF. Nellie Febe Etombi Fokumlah.

56. First Sport you Joined: Lawn tennis. Loved it, was pretty good at it.

57. First Pet: A bird I called…well, bird. It lived under my bed in a cardboard box. Needless to say, its life was short.

58. First Vacation: As a grown-up, which I paid for myself? Last year to the UK. This year I’m hitting Europe. Most of it.

59. First Concert: Church concert. We were big on that in my secondary school.

60. First Crush: David Hasselhof in ‘Michael Knight’. My aunt calls me Mrs Knight to this day -__-

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating: Just had Senegalese rice for lunch.

62. Drinking: Water.

63. Already missing: My Chocolate Daddy.

64. I’m about to: Get to work.

65. Listening to: The noisy air-conditioning.

66. Thinking about: Who owes me money.

67. Waiting for: People who owe me to pay up

YOUR FUTURE:

68. Want kids: Errm. Most days, yes

69. Want to get married: Yeah, I guess.

70. Careers in mind: International petroleum taxation expert 

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

71. Lips or eyes: eyes

72. Hugs or kisses: hugs

73. Shorter or taller: Taller. Short people freak me out

74. Older or Younger: Older, always.

75. Romantic or spontaneous: Can I have a nice mix of both?

76. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms. I like to have a li’l something to poke.

77. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive.

78. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

79. Trouble maker or hesitant:  Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

81. Drank hard liquor: Yup. Vodka is my poison of choice.

82. Lost glasses/contacts: Had them stolen, not lost

83. Kissed on 1st date: Yeah. We ended up going steady for a while.

84: Broken someone’s heart: I would like to say no, but I’m thinking the answer is yes.

85. Had your own heart broken: Still trying to find the pieces

86. Been arrested: Thank goodness NO!

87. Turned someone down: Yes

88. Cried when someone died: Yeah

89. Liked a friend that is of the same sex: No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: Always. It begins with me.

91. Miracles: Yes

92. Love at first sight: You might not know it yet, but it sure can happen. Yes.

93. Heaven: Yes

94. Santa Claus: Mtschewwww

95. Kissing on the first date: Nothing wrong with that but I wouldn’t necessarily encourage it.

96. Angels: Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Yes.

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: Hehehehehe. On different levels.

99. Wish you could change things in your past?: Yeah.

100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths?:  Yes. No reason to lie.

Whew, that was long! Who next?

These scars of mine

I’m watching E! News, the ‘Giuliana and Bill’ reality show, *hides face*. It’s the episode after Giuliana has a double mastectomy in her fight against breast cancer, and in explaining her scars to horrified friends, she says:

“I have to live with these scars everyday, but I don’t mind. When I see them, they remind me of a trying period that I have gone through, and that I have overcome.”

Forgive me for being a crybaby, but that brought tears to my eyes. Not only because I also have scars which I can’t run away from no matter how hard I try, but because overcoming is such damn hard business.

Many times in life we pretend that we don’t hurt, we try to hide our pain, to shut down our emotions. However, pain is what makes us human. Emotions are what make us real. Physical, emotional, mental scars may disgust others, and even us, but they represent something that was once living, painful, present, but that we have gone past, that we have gone through. That has healed.

So next time that you look at that horrid scar, that missing limb, think of that trying period, burst into tears at that painful memory, don’t be ashamed to own up to the hurt. Don’t be embarrassed for showing emotion. Be proud of your feelings, because they make you human. Be proud of your scars, because they are your badge of honor – they are proof that you have overcome.

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Be My Valentine

Everybody seems to be talking about the same old same old, this Valentine. It’s either ‘me and my significant other’ or ‘I’m loving myself this year’.

When will Valentine’s Day ever be about fighting for love?

It’s all good and fine to spout all that hogwash about waiting for the right guy and all, but some of y’all ladies out there KNOW that you already had him, and lost him. Nine-tenths of the time it was his fault (let’s be honest, men can be pretty clueless), but Miss Thang, you can’t deny that sometimes you were too demanding, a bit selfish, always busy, always jealous, always accusing…so he dumped you, and now you are alone.

This Valentine, let go of the self-love smokescreen (doesn’t it get old, btw?) and tell yourself the truth – you want him back. Instead of sitting around wallowing in a warm bath and a few tears, accept where you went wrong. Admit you want him back, then fight for his love.

‘Tis the season, let’s celebrate love, revel in love, fight for love. After all, how many spa deals can a girl buy in her life?

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.

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Let’s talk about sex…

It’s a right pain in the butt when your 60+year-old retired mother becomes a techno-guru, trawling the internet for fun…and stumbling upon all manner of things you would rather she didn’t see. eg. this post.

Well *Eminem voice* I said I’m sorry mama…

Unfortunately (is it though?) for me, I’m from a South-Western tribe in my country called the ‘Bayangi’. It’s the Nigerian equivalent of a Calabar girl. Or the equivalent of a ‘Latina’. For those of you who don’t get the significance, girls from my tribe are rumoured to be *cough cough* highly demanding and well-skilled in matters of the flesh. *hides face*

Cue in today’s topic – so I’m sitting at work, daydreaming thinking about relationships, how they morph from friendships into something more binding, what makes them fizzle out and what makes them remain strong against crazy odds, when a couple of things popped into my head.

(1) Recently I got into a dalliance with a very, sweet, charming and more or less successful guy – who lives in another country. Despite the fact that we enjoyed each other’s company and were both quite unattached, I found it difficult to commit. Then a friend said something which made me stop and think. She said *”Dis one wey you be bayangi, man no di even know sef. Sometime you di still draw skin because you and ei nova do“.

Basically “Given your tribe’s reputation, I bet your reluctance stems from the fact that y’all haven’t *cough cough* done the do.”

*side note – I’m coughing a lot in this post. My throat/keypad isn’t used to such topics*

At the time, I laughed about it and brushed it off, but today for whatever reason, it popped in my head, and I’m inclined to think about it a bit more and bounce it off you.

(2)Still recently, a friend told me about her boyfriend of over 2 years, who all of a sudden is no longer interested in bedmatics. His reason? He wants them to get married. Hold your applause. Tentative marriage date? In ‘About’ two years! Of course, I told her that he was getting it elsewhere – that reason just did not hold water, especially when combined wih his general cold behaviour.

As humans, we always have our little idiosyncrasies, particularly when it comes to love. Sometimes we won’t commit until we say ‘I love you’. Or until the other person says ‘I love you’, or until they presents us to their family/friends/work colleagues as their ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’.

Or until we knock boots with them.

Is sex in a relationship really that big a deal? Does sleeping with someone mark some sort of line that cannot be crossed? Does it take the relationship to another level? And does not sleeping with them (in case you started, and the decision to stop wasn’t mutual) signify a downgrading of the relationship, say from ‘serious’ to ‘open’?

Guy or girl, if you slept with someone you liked and were seeing casually, would you consider it some sort of commitment? And when things go sour, can sex hold it together until other issues are resolved?

Use the comment box below and express yourself! *don’t be shy now, you can do so anonymously!*

Three Cheers for Us

Reblogged from Benir Vida:

Yesterday I posted a short piece about how much I enjoy being friends with my spouse and the importance of finding the humor in a long term relationship.  So in the interest of balanced representation here, I think it's only fair that tonight's brief reflection be - how shall we say - a little less glowing of our counterparts.

Note to men, or masculine partners anywhere...

Read more… 575 more words

So I'm not a mother yet, but this is hilariously true...Two thumbs up for all hands-on mothers, career women or no, who bend over backwards to take care of their families! *calling my mother*

Zero to Hero – When ‘Ex’ becomes ‘Next’

*flops on couch, sips chilled white wine*

Don’t you just love Saturdays? Lying on my couch with sunlight streaming in, a wineglass in hand and CSI reruns on TV. *bliss*

So, I was talking to a friend of mine recently and her dilemma inspired this blogpost. Help me out guys, will you? She (we) need advice…

Let me give you background. She had been with this guy for just about a year. It hadn’t been love at first sight, but they grew to be crazy about each other, as in talking kids, moving in, long-term, meeting family etc etc.

Fast-forward some months down the road and their relationship hit a rough patch, distance issues. A myriad of little spats became molehills, became mountains, and they split up. For the record it didn’t involve cheating, violence, emotional abuse or any other identifiable issues. Just ‘one of those things’.

Almost a year later, they’ve hooked up again. Spark is still there obviously, and homegirl is seriously considering giving it another go. This is where I *adjusts Love Doctor nametag* come in.

On a personal note, I’m not inclined to believe in finding true love with an ex. However, I remember how happy my friend was with this guy, and I can tell she has changed since (for better, that is). Obviously I can’t vouch for the guy (coz we aint close like that) but I think he’s a little more level-headed now. However, do I think this is enough to rekindle the relationship? Jury is still out on that one.

If you were me, what advice would you give my friend?

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